Well how is the leg doing eh? It was mean of me to end my sorry story of my break in life and I need to finish how things are going now that a bit of time has gone by.
Well t’is a 4 week adventure gone by now and I am healing well I think. The leg is getting less painful and the hobbling more sloppy since I am to use the crutches and put an eggshell pressure on my broken leg while I swing the other leg in place so I do not crush the imaginary eggshells too much. Without anyone looking I walk without the crutches careful not to break an egg and still put most of the weight on my right leg. Feels good that – sometimes I also walk a bit without my huge brace and ooh does that bring out the feeling that I could just keep going and off down the stairs in my heels and go for a fine walk in the rain.
Restraint is within that does not allow me to do it often. I am heading for the long run – getting back to being the energy ball that I am without crutches reminding me I am limited. Never, I say. The stages one goes through during the period of healing when you are unable to do things for yourself hits at a time when you hate to wake up in the morning since the day in bed is tiring. T’is tiring just being awake, everything takes so much energy one is just glad to be able to be in bed and sleep. Been there and done that and got the bed sores for it.
This is when sulking and feeling sorry for oneself takes over all the coping mechanisms one has in place for only so long. T’is when I feel that it t’is a jail I’m in. This is the healthy time for anger to rear and release. Helps a lot especially if one explains to who you are venting that it has nothing to do with them – t’is venting without solutions that will take the air out of the tremendous build up of frustration and realization that all one can do is wake up and stay in bed and sleep and eat and now feel sorry for what I have lost. All the stages of grief of a loss of self. All normal with all of us anytime we lose our ability to be independent.
There was a specialist at the hospital where I worked in Toronto who broke his leg playing squash. This doc was always a go-getter with lots of energy radiating from his being – a heart specialist he was. I was shocked to see the loss of weight and the depression on his face one day. It never occurred to me then that breaking a leg could cause that look until I looked in the mirror and saw the same haunted look.
Then one day it passes. Usually around the 3rd week of any injury the feeling of being in jail and the depression starts always around the same time for everyone. Then by the beginning of the 5th week it just lifts. Hope is around the corner – less pain, more freedom in movement and a race that one knows will finish at the 6th week. The rehab comes with the 6th week but that is fast when you do some of the exercises allowed during the time of the cast etc.
I am at that stage now – a smile on my face hope raising its beautiful head and the light at the end of this tunnel starts to smile back at me in the mirror. Yes – yes I am tired all the time and after I get home from the shop I go straight to bed to rest the leg from its pounding swollen self. Then like now it is ok. I feel it will be just fine and back on me feet soon if I can just be patient a little longer.
What helps during that 2 week period? Loved ones – caring, phoning and laughing about nothing. Friends come out of the wood work to lend an offer of help – a phone call here and there – and a good book to hide into. I do have my Glennie helping when I call out in pain or loneliness as well as the pups that are always up for lovin’ me and me lovin’ them.
So anyone out there who is having a time of it – remember the dastardly 3rd and 4th week and know it is normal and this too shall pass. It t’is ok to hide in a book’be mesmerized by the teli, radio or sleep. We do adjust , we do what we have to moment by moment in reaction to what ever it is we face.
It t’is never easy and then it is.
Only Made in Newfoundland! by Elizabeth J.